he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
