when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
