They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
