Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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