im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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