Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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