I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
