Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
