i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
