It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
as a side note pls kill me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
