I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
