she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
