goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Screwed.edu
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
