guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
being pregnant is like rehab
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i've created a new STD.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
