You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
