Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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