just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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