Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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