I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
