I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
