Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
