I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
