I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
