Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
