My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
