I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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