I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
