that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
