and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
