lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
