You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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