I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
