My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
