just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
