I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
