Whod you bang
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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