Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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