i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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