cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
