i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
