My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
