Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Too much gin, very little bucket
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
