my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I came so hard my ears popped.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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