I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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