I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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