After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
