i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
