if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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