There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
