Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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