I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
