My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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