Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
